I think it's pretty badass
by copperlight
Summary: Emori has a hard time making friends because she's different. With Octavia as her roommate maybe that can change. Murphy sees past her insecurity .Modern. Emori starts college and meets Murphy.
1. Chapter 1

There's this park I like to go to. There's a pond and I sometimes sit on the bench for hours. It's peaceful there and no one bothers me. See, I'm not great with other people. When others meet me they think I'm a freak. And I guess I can't blame them. People are just like that, afraid of something that is different than them. I was born with a large black birthmark covering half my face. As if that didn't get me enough attention, two of my fingers are fused together on my left hand. Birth defects the doctors said. My parents were very spiritual people and they saw me as something that would bring them nothing but trouble and bad luck.

They put me up for adoption weeks after I was born. Guess they didn't want to look at me anymore. A couple adopted me, two women. They're wonderful and I love them very much. Next week I will be leaving for college. There are three things I will miss, both my moms and this park.

I check my phone for the time, and decide to head home. I take the short walk home and walk in the door.

"Emori!" my mom comes out from the kitchen, "You've really got to start packing up honey."

"I know mom, I'll start it in the morning."

"Alright, do you want something to eat?"

Typical mom, "I'll make something later."

"Okay sweetie."

I smile at her, and turn to run up the stairs. I go in to my room closing the door and lay down on the bed. Tomorrow I will start packing to leave for college. I've decided to go to the University of Portland. It's only 3 hours from home. Far enough to get away, but still close enough to come home if I need to. I'll have a roommate there. Most people think I look like a freak and don't want to be friends with me. I'm hoping my roommate; whoever she is will be different.

 **Move in day at University of Portland**

My moms drove me up to the college to get me moved in. After finishing unloading the car it's time for them to go back home.

"Alright I guess it's time for us to leave, call anytime if you need anything okay?"

"I'll be fine mom, really." I reassure her because I know they're having a harder time with this than I am. I'm sad to leave and I'll miss them but I'm excited about it too. Also, a little scared because I just want things to be different. To be accepted in some way, instead of being looked at like a freak.

They both hug me and say a final goodbye before getting in the car to drive back home. I go back to my dorm room. When we arrived my roommate wasn't her yet, so I got to pick which side I wanted. The rooms are small so I didn't bring everything. I'm tired from the drive and unpacking so I fall asleep for a nap.

A few hours later I get woken up by the sound of the door. A girl with a strong jawline and long black hair walks in. I get up from the bed and I can see her look at the mark on my face for the smallest second and then look away as if afraid of getting caught.

"Hi, I'm Octavia." She says putting 2 duffel bags on the floor.

"Emori," I give her my right hand to shake and she takes it. "Do you need help with your stuff?" I figure that could put us off to a good start.

"Nah my brother's bringing the rest in, you can meet him. Did your family leave already?"

"Yeah, we came early this morning, they went back home a few hours ago." I kind of missed them already but I wasn't going to tell her that.

"Wanted to get first dibs on the beds huh? Sorry for waking you by the way."

"Oh no that's okay." I really didn't mind, she seemed nice but also like she could win a fight. I liked her already.

"O?" I hear a voice call. Maybe that's a nickname.

She turns toward the door and peeks her head out, "In here!"

An older guy walks into the room with her.

"This is Bellamy my brother. Bell this is Emori."

He nods, "hey," is all he says to me. I just give him a smile back. I get shy around a lot of people. More people mean more eyes staring at my imperfections. "O there's one more box to grab and then I gotta get back to the station."

"Okay Bell." He walks out and Ocatvia starts putting her stuff on her side. I sit back down on my bed.

"What does Bellmay do?"

"Oh he's a police officer." She sits down on her bed facing me. "So Emori, what's your story? All I know is you're an early bird and we both have weird names."

I laugh a little at that. She's forward for sure so I'll give her the main points right away, "Ah well I'm from a small town about three hours from here. I'm adopted. I have two moms. I'm an anthropology major and it's a birthmark. I know you want to ask."

She blushes like she should feel guilty. It's really alright with me though because everyone does it. "Oh I-I wasn't going to pry. But I think its pretty badass actually."

I wonder if she'll think my deformed hand is badass when she sees it. I wear gloves most of the time to hide it. "Thanks Octavia. Your turn."

"I'm from right here in Portland. I could have lived at home with Bellamy but I got so much financial aid that we could afford the dorms. My parents are dead and it's been just Bell and I for the past 4 years. Oh and I haven't declared a major yet."

Bellamy walks back into the room with the rest of Octavia's stuff before I can say anything. "Here ya go O, I gotta get back to work. I'll see you tomorrow at the barbecue. Emori you can come too if you want." 

He catches me by surprise and I wonder if he only invited me because he felt like he had to because I was sitting there. "Oh uh, that's nice thank you." I say even though I'm not going to go. I want to make friends here but I don't want to make Octavia feel like she has to be friends with me just because we're roommates.

Bellamy leaves and Octavia continues to unpack her things. She's putting her clothes away when she says, "he meant that by the way, you can totally come tomorrow night. It's just a barbecue at our house with some of our friends."

"Oh I don't know maybe." I help her put away the rest of her stuff and we tell each other more about ourselves. Then watch some movies for the rest of the night until we get tired.

In the morning it's Sunday and classes start tomorrow so we have today to look around the campus and get settled in. After I've showered Octavia asks me if I want to get some breakfast with her and I say yes. We end up going to a café that she tells me her and her brother go to at least once a week.

We get coffee first and order and then sit down at a booth by the front window. While we're waiting for our food she asks me, "So, do you have a boyfriend? Or girlfriend?"

I choke on my coffee a little. A boyfriend, how hilarious. I did have one once in high school for a couple of months, but that was it. "No, I don't. If I did it would be a boyfriend though."

"Good to know." I know by the twinkle in her eye what she means by that.

"Uh-uh you're not setting me up. I don't have time for a boyfriend." That was a lie, I do have _time_ for one I just wouldn't want Octavia forcing anyone to go out with the weird girl.

"Mmhm. Sure" She gives me a sly smirk but the waitress brings our food before I can convince Octavia to drop the idea of setting me up.

When we're done eating we walk out of the café and into the sweltering heat. I love warm weather, but today is really hot.

While we were hanging out last night I decided that Octavia seems like a genuine person and I'd like to try to be friends with her. "So I need to go shopping for some dorm stuff and office supplies. Do you want to come with me?"

"Sounds great, and later we'll go to my house for the barbecue." She smiles widely at me, seemingly excited about hanging out together.

"Alright that would be good." I say and she shows me where we can go shopping for the stuff.

After we are done shopping we go back to the dorm to put the stuff away before we leave for her house for the barbecue. She was staring at me gloves earlier and I know she wanted to ask why I wear them all of the time, but she didn't. I think she didn't want to be rude since we only met yesterday.

I secretly hope there won't be many people at her house. And if there are maybe they won't be starting at my birthmark for once. Maybe. Hopefully…

We leave around 4. Octavia changed before we left. I wore the same thing I had on all day though. Mint skinny jeans with a striped oversized t-shirt. And my gloves of course. One day I hope that I will be comfortable enough to not have wear them all of the time.

When we get to Octavia's house there are about 15 people there. She shows me the house and introduces me to everyone. I get the feeling everyone here knows everyone and I'm the only outsider. She introduces me to a girl with long blonde hair, Clarke, and Raven and her boyfriend Kyle. I notice the brace on Ravens leg and wonder what happened. Octavia drags me over to say hi to Bellamy, who is talking with another guy next to a grill in the lawn.

"Bell! I'm here aren't you gonna say hi to your sister who's at college now, and oh so far away from you?" Octavia says to her brother.

He laughs, "O, you haven't even been gone a day," he gives her a side hug then looks at me "hey Emori." The guy standing next to Bellamy looks at me but doesn't look away quickly like most people. His eyes linger on me for a second, but his expression is hard and unrevealing.

Bellamy's voice catches my attention "Oh Emori this is my partner at the station and dumbass friend Murphy."

I look back to Murphy, and nod "hey." I say in an unintentionally monotone voice.

"Hey." He mirrors my nod and monotone greeting.


	2. Chapter 2

I'm standing by myself over by Octavia and Bellamy's back porch, sipping some concoction one of her friends Monty brought. Not really sure who to talk to, being the stranger at a party is not all that fun. Everyone seems nice enough, but I don't really know them. I barely know Octavia, but I already like her so maybe I'll like her friends too.

That Murphy guy comes up and stands next to me- but 2 feet away- with his own cup. "sup," he says.

"not much." I respond without looking at him.

"So I gotta ask… what's with the gloves?" He asks not facing me.

"It doesn't matter." I say because I don't want to explain it some guy, who just off first impression doesn't seem like a warm and understanding person.

"C'mon, take my mind off all the fun we're having," he says sarcastically.

"If I showed you, you would not look at me the same." Because well, it's true. Nobody does when I show them.

"Okay now I'm interested, what happened?" He asks curiously not giving up.

I turn to face him and he does the same, "You gonna drop this?"

"Nah,"

"Fine you wanna see, hold this," I say shoving my cup at him frustrated with his pestering. Most people leave it alone when I tell them or they don't bother asking at all because they don't want to pry. But if this guy has the nerve to push me about it then fine, I'll show him my deformed hand. He won't be bothering me anymore afterwards. I slide the glove off my left hand and show him, "People see me as a freak, my parents couldn't even look at me. They gave me up for adoption, erased me from their lives."

"Screw 'em, I wouldn't cover it up, it's pretty badass." He says smiling a little at me. It's a nice smile I have to admit.

I can't help but smirk a little at that, suddenly my frustration with him has disappeared, "Liar." I say and put my glove back on walking away to find Octavia.

Octavia and I leave a couple hours later. I didn't talk to Murphy again. On the drive back to school she questions me about the barbecue.

"Soo, did you have fun? Did you like my friends?" she says excitedly.

I nod, "yeah I did, they're great Octavia."

That produces a big smile on her face. I appreciate that she wants to share her friends with me. "Any guys catch your attention? I saw you talking to Murphy."

I tense up hoping she didn't see my hand. I don't want her to be grossed out. "If by talking to Murphy, you mean he was bothering me."

"Yeah, he can be like that. He's a little weird, but he's been friends with Bell for years. He doesn't have a girlfriend…if you're interested." She actually thinks I would let her set me up with him? I don't even know anything about him.

I peer over at her from the passenger seat, "I'm not interested. Can we talk about something else please? What's your first class tomorrow?" I try changing the subject from talking about boys.

She sighs sort of sarcastically, "okay okay I'll drop the boyfriend thing…for now. My first class is psych 101. Yours?"

"Ancient world."

"History? You should talk to Bellamy, he's into that stuff." I just nod.

When we get back to the dorm, I tell Octavia I'm tired and go right to bed. It's been an eventful day and I'm exhausted.

The first two days of classes fly by, I've got a lot of work to do already but I don't mind. I don't have much else to do, except for maybe hang out with Octavia. On Wednesday, I'm on my way to get something to eat after class and some guy bumps into me and knocks me to the ground.

"Shit!," he says rolling over and getting back up, "I'm really sorr- Emori? Is that you?"

"Yeah, it's me on the ground, where you knocked me over!" I yell, I landed on my elbow and it really hurt. He reaches out his hand to help me up. He doesn't seem like the gentlemanly type, but I accept his hand.

"I'm sorry I was in a hurry. I gotta get back to work." He picks up my bag from the ground and hands it to me.

"It's okay. What are you doing here anyway?" I thought he had a real job so why was he at the college?

"I take a couple of classes here. Look I really have to get going."

I shake my head a few times, "Yeah, okay go ahead."

"Goodbye Emori," he smirks and walks away.

I turn around and watch him go towards a parking lot. "Bye Murphy!" I call.

He turns around while still walking, "It's actually John by the way!"

I nod and go the opposite way. John…guess his last name is probably Murphy. I like his name. It's simple, unlike mine. I like my name but it gets pronounced wrong a lot. Can't really pronounce John wrong.

On Friday, Octavia insists we go out to celebrate our first week of classes. A few of her friends from the barbecue go to our school as well and they'll be hanging out with us. Jasper, Monty, and Harper. We all have a great time and it's nice to finally have some friends.


	3. Chapter 3

A few weeks pass and Octavia and I are settling in to college life. I haven't seen John again since that first week. Octavia brought me over to her house again and we hung out with Bellamy a few times, and I hoped a little that John might be there but he wasn't. I don't even know why I wanted to see him again. The two times we met he just seemed like he was the type of person that doesn't judge easily. Most people make me nervous, but Murphy makes me calm.

"Emoriiiiii!" Octavia calls when she walks into our room causing me too look up from my desk.

"Octaviaaaa!" I mock her a little.

She plops down on my bed. "You're always in our room, you need to get out and meet some more people."

I shrug, "I'm just not great around people. I've never had a lot of friends."

"Well we are in college now, it's time to start."

"Any chance I'm gonna get out of this?"

"Not even a teeny chance,"

"What did you have in mind exactly?" I ask her hesitantly.

"Well…I may have gotten you a date…" She cringes, waiting for the reaction she knows I'm going to give her.

I get up from my desk chair nearly knocking it over. "WHAT?! A date? Octavia you can't just set people up on dates without their permission!" I yell louder than I mean to.

"I'm sorry okay. It's just I know you get along really well with Harper and Jasper and Monty and they're your friends too now. But you never really go out or hang out with anyone new, so I thought a date would be a good way to get to know someone else."

"You're making it sound like you've set me up with some random guy, do you even know him? What if he's a murderer?"

She rolls her eyes, "Emori he's not a murderer…wait does that mean you're agreeing to go?" She is way too excited about this.

I sigh, "Ugh do I really have a choice? I suppose if you already told him I would go it would be quite rude to cancel."

"Yay! He'll be here in an hour, I'll help you pick something to wear." She hops up off my bed and starts to pick through my closet.

"An hour? Thanks for the notice."

"Well, I know you're sort of shy with other people and I didn't want to give you time to back out, because I know you'll have fun."

"So who is this guy anyway?"

"He's the TA for my bio class. His names Jackson. He's going to become a doctor." She tells me throwing clothes all over my bed.

Sounds impressive. Okay, maybe a date isn't _that_ bad of an idea. I'll wear my gloves the whole time so there will be nothing for him to be weirded out by. Octavia makes going on dates sound like a lot of fun, I just worry that guys won't want to go out with me.

"Here, I think you should wear this. I've never seen you wear it." She holds up a dress I've never worn.

"That's why it was in the back of the closet. I don't really like dresses. My moms bought that for me." It's a plain red cotton dress, that falls just below my knees. She's picked out a small black jacket to go with it.

"And I'm sure they'd love to know you wore it on a date. Now put it on, and then I'll do your hair."

30 minutes later Octavia has curled my hair, which I'm not a big fan of but she thinks it's cute. She says he will be here any minute.

"Wait, are you going to wear your gloves on the date?" She asks me.

I look down at my hands. What do I say? Ugh, think, think…"Uh yeah I um have to. I have a skin condition." I am such a terrible liar but I'm hoping she doesn't see through that and doesn't press it further.

The door knock saves me from her inquiry. Octavia jumps up and opens the door. "Hi Jackson! This is Emori." She gestures to me.

"Hey, how are you?" he asks not moving from the door frame.

"Hi, I'm good thanks."

"Okay, go have fun!" Octavia says and pushes me towards the door.

Jackson and I walk downstairs and out of the dorm building. He leads me over to where his car is parked and we get in.

I feel really awkward and don't know what to say. I haven't been on many dates. "So, what do you wanna do?" I ask, unsure how much of this date he has planned out.

"Do you wanna just get something to eat? I've been grading papers all afternoon and I didn't have a chance for dinner."

"Sure, that sounds good. Octavia told me you're a TA?"

He nods and gives me a quick glance from the driver's seat, "Yeah, she's in my class. I'm learning a little bit about teaching and I'm studying to be a doctor."

"That sounds wonderful, my mom is a doctor actually."

"Oh yeah? What kind?"

"Neurologist."

"Cool, I'm thinking cardiology. Have you decided what you want to study?"

"Oh well I'm an anthropology major. I'm not sure what I want to do with that yet though."

"Sounds good."

We stay quiet for a couple minutes and I start to feel weird about the silence, like I should say something. We pull into a restaurant after another moment though. I'm hoping there are no more awkward silences while we're eating.

Jackson shuts off the car and faces me, "Is this alright? It's my favorite place."

It's a small cute restaurant, nothing fancy. "Yeah it's great. I haven't been to many places around here yet."

"C'mon you'll like this place." He says with a smile and we both get out of the car and go inside.

We sit at a table in the corner of the restaurant. It's a cute place. Jackson is pretty cute too. I've only had one boyfriend so I guess I don't know what guys I like. He seems really nice though. Maybe he wouldn't mind my hand. He hasn't stared at my birthmark…doesn't seem phased by it like most people. A waitress comes over and we order.

"So Octavia told me a little bit about you Emori. That's an interesting name by the way."

"Thanks, um I like it. My birth parents picked it out. It means hardworking leader, but I wouldn't say that describes me. I'm a follower, not a leader."

"Eh I bet you could be a leader if you wanted to be. Are you adopted? You said birth parents…"

"Yeah I am." I don't want to elaborate on that. I probably shouldn't have said birth parents.

The waitress brings our food and we continue to talk and tell each other about ourselves. I learn he's from Chicago, his mom was a doctor. She died young and he always wanted to become a doctor like her. I thought that was really sweet.

I get up from the table, "I have to use the bathroom, I'll be right back."

I go in and thankfully no one is in there. I need a minute to think by myself. I look in the mirror at my hair Octavia did, it's actually cute. The date is going okay, he seems like a nice enough guy. But what happens when the gloves literally, come off. He's nice, but I think I see him as more of a friend than a romantic interest.

"You look really nice." A voice startles me making me jump. I didn't hear anyone come in.

I turn towards the door to see who it is. "Murphy? Oh geez you scared me. And this is the ladies room you know."

He raises one eyebrow. I never understood how people did that. "I don't get a 'thank you'?"

I'm confused, "What?"

He steps closer to me, "I said you look really nice." Did he just blush? He doesn't seem like the shy type. I got the impression at our last meetings that he's the opposite of shy.

I also blush at the compliment. It's not often anyone says that, and if they do its one of my moms. "Thank you."

"You're welcome," he's looking at me with intense eyes. I like it, but it also makes me uncomfortable. He has nice eyes, I'd guess they're hard to resist for most girls. "What are you doing here anyway? I haven't seen you around." Was he looking? Nah, he wouldn't be looking around for _me._

"Octavia set me up on a date." I say shyly.

"Ouch."

"Ouch?"

He smirks, "Yeah, I mean you probably didn't want to come on this date. Octavia is the kind of person that would set you up without asking first."

"You pretty much got it spot on there. I know she was trying to be nice though. I appreciate that."

"Well, I gotta get out of here. Have fun on your date." He turns to leave. As he opens the door to walk out he turns his head around and says, "Ya know if I took you out I'd take you to a place a lot nicer than this…and you wouldn't have to wear those stupid gloves around me."

I just stand there with my mouth open, shocked by his forward comment as he disappears behind the door. I wait a second and go back out to the table. Jackson and I talk some more and finish eating and then he drives me back to the dorm.

For the rest of the night I'm thinking more about my five minute conversation in the bathroom with Murphy, than the entire date with Jackson.


	4. Chapter 4

The day after my date with Jackson, Octavia and I are having lunch together at that café she took me to our first week here.

"You went to bed right when you got home last night I didn't get to ask about your date." She says.

The date was okay, Jackson is nice and all but he didn't ask for my number and I didn't offer it to him. He also didn't say anything about seeing me again to which I was relieved about because I just don't see him like that. "It was good, um I don't think we're gonna go out again though."

"What? Why? Didn't you like him?"

"Yeah, I guess but not like, like him ya know? I sound like a 12 year old but you know what I mean." I might as well be honest with her. I know she won't be upset I don't want to see him again.

"Well alright, I'll have to find someone else for ya," she says as she eats her burger. 

"No Octavia, no more surprise dates. I'll date when _I_ find someone I like."

She sighs, "Okay, okay suite yourself. Do you want to come over to my house tonight? I'm going to hang out with Bell for a bit."

I nod as I eat my salad, "yeah that sounds like fun."

Later when we get to her house Bellamy is sitting on the couch in the living room watching TV. Octavia goes over to hug him and after he notices me standing there awkwardly. I don't like to intrude on their sibling moments.

"Hey Emori," he says.

"Hi," I say and go to sit down on one of the chairs. I notice Bellamy was watching some game on TV. I have no doubt that Octavia will make him change the channel like always.

"Fuck!" I hear someone yell from the kitchen. I didn't realize anyone else was here.

Bellamy yells back to the voice, "Damn it Murphy what did you do this time?"

Murphy? I didn't know he would be here. Octavia didn't mention it, if she even knew. Does he know I was going to be here? Ugh why do I even care?

He comes out and leans on the doorway between the kitchen and the living room with a towel on his hand. "I cut my hand, I think it might need stiches," he says and then looks up noticing me sitting there. "Oh hey," he says as he stands up straight.

"Hey," I repeat our usual one word greeting.

Octavia notices, "Geez what's with you two? 'hey,' 'hey'" she mocks our voices. She looks to me, "Emori was he an ass to you?"

I shake my head no. "Well then what? You both tense up when you see each other…" she jumps up off the couch and squeals, "Oh my god! No wonder you didn't want to go out with Jackson again!" I tense up. Crap, she thinks I like Murphy. She _knows_ I like him.

"Octavia what are you going on about? Look guys I need to get this stitched up. Who's driving me?" Murphy asks annoyed.

Emori will!" Octavia yells and throws her keys at me.

"I will? Why can't you?" I ask her, getting up from the chair.

The sly look on her face tells me what she's trying to do. "Cause I need to spend quality time with my big brother," she says as she smiles innocently.

"Can we just go please?!" Murphy shouts and stalks over to the front door and out of it.

"Octavia! Whatever you're thinking, you're wrong." I say and leave the house getting in the driver's side of her car.

I start the car and we don't speak for several minutes, but then I realize that I don't know the area well and I have no idea where the hospital is.

"Um I don't know where we're going. I don't know the area that well." I say staring straight ahead.

"Oh right, just go straight for now, I'll tell you when to turn." I notice the towel around his hand is covered in blood, it must have been a really bad cut.

"Ok. Soo uh what were you doing at that restaurant the other night?" I had been wondering what he was doing there since our encounter in the bathroom.

"I wasn't on a date if that's what you're wondering," he smirks and winks at me.

"I wasn't saying you were." I say.

"Mhm."

I don't respond and we sit in silence for an awkward minute before he spares me and says, "I was just picking up something to eat after work. I saw you in there and followed you into the bathroom…aw jeez that sounds creepy as hell. I dunno I just wanted to say hi."

I force back a smile, secretly liking that he wanted to say hi to me. And sort of thankful he followed me into the bathroom just to talk to me, because that was the best part of the night. "We keep having random encounters. I didn't know you'd be at Bellamy's."

"Oh the hospital is up on the right here," he says and points, ignoring my comment.

We arrive at the hospital and they take Murphy in pretty quickly. I'd guess it's a slow day. When he walks out I stand up, "All done?" I ask.

He nods, "Yep."

We get back in the car, "Could you take me home, I don't wanna go back to Bellamy's."

"Alright."

"So you're not going out with that guy again?" Murphy asks.

"Huh?" I say confused for a second and then I realize he's talking about Jackson. "Oh right, no I'm not."

"Why?" he asks.

"You're quite nosy aren't you? Well I guess I didn't like him very much. He's nice, but I didn't feel anything there. If that makes sense…" I say, feeling awkward explaining this to him.

"Nah I get it."

Neither of us says anything else until we get to his apartment building.

"Uh thanks for driving me," he says with his hand on the door but he doesn't move to get out.

"You're welcome Murphy."

"You can call me John."

I can? No one else calls him that, and I wonder why he's asked me to. I nod, "Okay John."

He gives me a nod, "Well to our next random encounter, Emori."

With that he gets out of the car and into his apartment building. I sit there for a moment realizing I wish he hadn't wanted to go home. I want to spend more time with him, and I don't know why. Maybe it's just because he's mysterious and I'm curious.

I drive back to Bellamy and Octavia's house even though I wanted to go home, but I still had Octavia's car.

When I go in the front door Bellamy is asleep on the couch and Octavia is watching TV.

"Hey, where's Murphy?" she whispers.

I sit down next to her and whisper back, "he had me drop him at his apartment."

"Ooh did you go inside?" she asks forgetting to whisper causing Bellamy to stir.

"No I did not go inside. Why would I do that?"

Bellamy sits up, "Oh haven't you heard? Apparently you're in love with Murphy."

"What are you talking about?" I look at Octavia, "You're making stuff up in your head Octavia. I haven't had more than a 4 minute conversation with John and I know nothing about him. How could I like him?"

They both look at me with shock, "What are you two gawking at?" I ask them in a sort of demanding tone.

"You said John…" Octavia says.

"He doesn't let anybody call him that." Bellamy says.

"Oh…well he asked me to call him John." I give them a confused expression.

Now both their mouths are hanging open. "What's the big deal? That's his name."

"He hasn't let anyone call him that since his dad died. His dad was the only one that called him John. If anyone so much as tries, things get ugly. If he actually _asked_ you to call him that…then he likes you for sure. A lot. And he hasn't a girlfriend in 4 years. Not so much as a fling or a one night stand." Bellamy tells me.

"Well I don't like him. Octavia is imagining things," I lie. I do like him, but I just can't rationalize it since I know literally _nothing_ about the guy.

"You should spend more time with him so you can find out if you do like him," Octavia says.

I roll my eyes. "Why are you pushing this? You said yourself he's an asshole."

"Yeah he is, but not to you."

"Okay I get your point. But you aren't setting this up." I tell her because I don't want John to be forced to go out with me if he doesn't want to.

"Alright I'll let you handle it on your own. For now."

I'll take what I can get from her. "Thank you."

After eating dinner and watching some movies Octavia and I drive back to school.

My next encounter with John a week later got messy.


	5. Chapter 5

Octavia drags out Emori to a club, some guy is an ass to her, making fun of her or something. They run into murphy there. He gets in a fight with the ass, takes her back to his apartment to, she stays the night there but he sleeps on the couch. And is super sweet to her.

"Emori we're going out tonight!" Octavia yells when I meet her for lunch.

"Oh are we? I wasn't aware," I respond sarcastically. It's Friday and we're just gotten done with midterms so there really isn't an excuse to not go out. Since becoming friends with Octavia I've become more sociable. "Where are we going Octavia?"

"That club, Sky Box. Jasper and Monty and everybody are coming too." I've gotten to know most of her friends well over the last few weeks and her brother too. Murphy—or John I guess, hasn't been around though, Octavia tried to get Bellamy to invite hjim out with us last week, but Bellamy said Murphy was busy. I automatically made up in my head that Murphy was out with a girlfriend, but then I remembered Bellamy said that Murphy doesn't do the dating thing. I try not to think about him too much, he just a big mystery to me really.

"Let's go shopping to get something hot to wear!" Octavia exclaims getting up from the table we were sitting at and dragging me out of the building and towards your car.

Once we're in the car I buckle the seat belt and say, "You know you're extremely bossy."

She lets a fake look of hurt flash across her face. "I'm not bossy you're just a push over."

Well I suppose that's true but I still think she's bossy. She pulls up to a cute shop Ive never been to before and we both get out of the car.

"I love this store they have really cute stuff, and sexy stuff too."

"I'll settle for cute, not sexy." I tell her as we go in.

"Emori c'mon get something sexy. Not for a guy but for yourself, it'll make you feel good. I know I pressured you to go out with Jackson and then made those comments about your liking Murphy, but I'm gonna let up on you about guy stuff. Tonight is about going out with our friends and having a good time, not about picking up a guy." She starts looking through a rack of dresses, "oh and I'm sorry about the Murphy thing by the way, I shouldn't have just assumed that you like him. I was jumping to conclusions when I saw you two together. I mean you were right, you don't even know him."

I stay quiet for a moment processing what she's said. Its so un-Octavia like of her to not tease me about liking a guy, or trying to set me up on dates. I look at some of the dresses on the rack next to her and ask her about something that's been on my mind for the past weeks, "Uh, so what is Murphy's deal anyway?"

She smirks and picks up a red dress, "So you are curious eh?"

I can feel myself blush and I don't know why, "Well, you did say he is your brothers best friend and they spend a lot of time together, so yeah I'm curious. Just give me the basics."

"Alright come with me I wanna try this on," she walks towards the dressing rooms and pulls the curtain closed behind her while I wait outside. "So, Murphy. I've known him for years obviously. He's 24, same as Bell. He and Bell went to the police academy together. I think Murph had trouble figuring out what he wanted to do with his life so he did what Bell did. Um, he lives alone, I've never been to his apartment but Bell has. Let's see, I know he doesn't really hang out with many people, just me and Bell once in a while, but even then that's not often. I'm pretty sure he hasn't had a girlfriend in years, but that could be wrong since he keeps to himself a lot he could be married with a baby right know and I don't think anyone would know. " She walks out of the dressing room in the red dress, its short and has some lace on the back. "Do you like it?"

I do, it's very Octavia. "Yea, it looks great," I smile.

"I like it to, I'm gonna get this one. Now to find something for you." She goes back into the changing room to take the dress off. "Murphy's dad is in jail, and his mom died when he was like 11. He lived in a decent foster home after that. Bell met him and became friends when they were 13."

She walks out, "I think I saw something over there that would look great on you."

I follow her over and she holds up a black dress that looks similar to the red one she picked out but its more modest. I look at it thinking that I've never worn anything like it but it's beautiful and I love it. 

"Go try it on." She says.

I nod and we go back to the dressing rooms. While I'm changing she says,  
"Well that's about the basics on the mysterious Murphy. Anything else you wanted to know?"

I think that if I ask her anything too deep she'll go back to her theory about me liking him. Which I do, but she doesn't know that. I considered telling her for a while but then she would push to set us up and I was pretty sure he didn't reciprocate my feelings. I mean, how could he? He didn't know anything about me either. He didn't seem to mind my birthmark or my hand, that's a first, but still that didn't mean he liked me.

"Uh, no." My voice comes out in a weird tone and I'm glad she can't see my face cause then she might know I think about Murphy more than I should.

"Okay." She doesn't speak for a minute and then says, "You know Emori, if you did like him that would be okay. He's not a bad guy, just has a complicated past I guess."

I finish putting on the dress and look in the mirror and I love the way it looks. It looks good on my body its not too overly tight or sexy so I feel comfortable in it. I pull back the curtain, "I'm gonna get this one." I tell her.

She gives me a big smile, "Great! You look beautiful. I love it and I think Murphy will too." She says will a sly smirk.

My smile however drops, "Murphy? Why will Murphy be seeing it?" I ask nervously. I really like the dress but I feel nervous about Murphy seeing me dressed up in something so nice.

"Well Bell is coming out with us and he was able to convince Murphy to come out too. Which he _never_ does. All Bellamy had to do was mention that _you_ were gonna be there and Murphy was right on board."

"Are you teasing me Octavia?"

"No, no I really do think Murphy likes you. Now, I'm not trying to set you up or force anything on you, but I think that Murphy needs someone in his life besides me and Bell, and his damn job. I honestly think you could be really good for him."

"I'll think about that. Let's get back to the dorm, I wanna take a nap before we go out." I tell her and close the curtain to put my regular clothes back on."

Later that night Octavia and I go to the Sky Box together intending to meet up the others when we get there. Octavia did my hair and make-up, which I don't usually wear since my birthmark already attracts a lot of attention to my face.

When we arrive we find everyone hanging out a table.

"Hey guys!," Octavia screeches, although it's so loud in the club I can barely hear her. She hugs Bellamy. "Bell, I thought you said Murphy was coming."

He shrugs, "I dunno O, he said he would but he probably wont."

"Emori I love your dress," Harper tells me. She is sitting next to Jasper and I'm pretty sure she likes him.

"Oh thanks Harper, you too." I sit down at the table between her and Bellamy.

An hour and a couple drinks later I have to use the bathroom. When I'm walking back to the table some guy asks me to dance, I don't like dancing but I say yes to be polite. I should probably learn to be less polite in certain situations.

The guy is cute, but not the type of guy I would go out with. Ironically I'm not into the whole club thing, and I'd bet this guy goes to clubs a lot. After the song is finished I say, "Uh I'm gonna get back to my friends," I try to walk away but he grabs my arm.

"C'mon dance with me a little longer," he slurs a little at the end and I can tell that he's drunk.

"No thank you."

"Bitch as ugly as you should feel lucky to dance with me."

Before I say anything or try to walk away from him, someone I can't see taps him on the shoulder. Asshole turns around but I can't hear what he says because it's so loud. The person punches him in the face then and I can see who it is, Murphy. When did he get there? I had assumed he wasn't coming since he was so late. The asshole gets up and tries to take a swing but Murphy ducks.

The fight gets broken up after a few minutes and Murphy and the asshole get thrown out of the club. I go with Murphy. His face is starting to swell where the asshole got a punch in and his knuckles are bleeding.

We're standing on the sidewalk outside the club and I find myself slightly annoyed at Murphy's behavior. I can defend myself, "Why did you do that? The guy was wasted he didn't know what he was doing. You're a police officer you probably shouldn't be getting into public fights."

"Emori I don't care if he was drunk, he was being an asshole to you. Look I gotta get home to patch up my hand, and then I'll drive you back to your dorm. Text Octavia and let her know." He says storming off towards the parking lot and I follow.

We ride to his apartment in silence, and when we get there he says, "It'll just take a minute and I'll drive you home."

He unlocks the door and lets me go in first, "Take your time, I'm in no rush to go back and get questioned by Octavia." I say rolling my eyes.

He walks towards what I assume is the bathroom and disappears inside. "You can stay here tonight if you want. I know how Octavia can be."

His offer surprises me since I don't know him that well. I think it over for a brief second and say yes.

He comes out of the bathroom, "Okay well I have a second bedroom, you can sleep in there. I'll grab something for you to sleep in."

"Thanks," I say.

He comes back out and hands me some clothes that I'm guessing are his. "I'm really tired, I'm gonna go right to bed, okay?" he says.

I nod. "Alright, yeah me too."

"I'll drive you home in the morning."

"Okay. Goodnight."

"Goodnight Emori," he says and disappears into his room.

I slept really well in Murphy's guest room. When I woke up I could hear that he was already awake. I've been lying in bed for 5 minutes listening to him move around in the living room, unsure whether I should go out there. I feel kind of awkward, I've never stayed at a guy's place before.

After another 5 minutes I decide I should probably go out there since I need to get home. He's watching tv and he turns when he hears me open the bedroom door.

He turns the tv off and gets up off the couch, I notice he's wearing pajamas, "Good Morning," he gives me a smile, I notice that there is a bruise forming on one side of his face.

"Morning Mu-John," I remember he asked me to call him John.

"What time do you need to get back?"

"Oh, uh well it's Sunday so no particular time…Do you have to work today?"

"Nah, it's my day off," there's an awkward silence and then he asks, "do you wanna I dunno, hang out today for a while? If you're not busy."

This isn't a date right? He said hang out, and it's during the day so I don't think he meant date. Octavia would love this. "I'm not busy. Little hungry though."

"I can make you something to eat, do you want to shower?"

"Oh I didn't mean you needed to make me something," I say feeling bad.

"No it's cool don't worry about it. I want to."

"um okay, I'll take a shower first I guess." I say and go back into the his second bedroom. I pull out my phone to text Octavia. I texted her last night to let her know what happened but turned my phone off before she could text me back.

I turn it back on and there are 3 messages from her:

 _Are you okay?_

 _I can't believe Murphy is letting you stay there…what's his apartment look like?_

 _Keep me updated!_

I send her a quick text back:

 _I'm fine. Murphy's apartment is normal, not some lair you're picturing. He asked me to hang out with him today. I said yes…_

It only takes her 3 minutes to text back:

 _Oh my god. I knew he liked you! Have fun! ;)_


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey sorry for the couple spelling mistakes in the last chapter, I had it on my computer for the past 5 months or so and didn't go over it before posting. I don't write much now but I'm gonna try to get back into it and make time for this story. Thanks for reading!**

After I showered and had something to eat Murphy suggested that we go to the park. I agreed because I like parks, but I was thinking that he doesn't seem like the sitting at the park feeding adorable ducks type of guy. More like, going to the shooting range type of guy.

We get there and there's a pond like the one back home, he catches me staring at it. We're sitting on a bench.

"Octavia told me about the park you used to go to back home." He says.

I had forgotten I'd told her about that, and I certainly didn't think she was talking to Murphy about me.

"Yeah I used to go every day."

"With your boyfriend?"

I scoff at him louder than I mean to, "No, I don't have a boyfriend. I went alone. And if that's your sly way of finding out if I have a boyfriend you need to work on that."

"Ahh ya caught me."

"Mhmm. Well I only have had one boyfriend. Turned out he was dating me to win a bet with his friends. How long could he date the ugly girl." Why did I just tell him that, TMI.

"And what were the results?" he says jokingly.

I slap him on the arm, "Oh shut up! It's not funny!"

"Hey," he touches my hand just enough I can hardly feel it, "I'm just kidding. That guy sounds like a typical asshole with asshole friends."

I shrug, "well I'm a big girl, and I'm used to it."

"You shouldn't have to be."

"I've spent a lot of time being angry at everyone and no one. I don't do that anymore," I say.

He doesn't say anything for a moment and then stands up, "uh-I should take you back to school…I'm sure you have to study or something." He says this looking at the ground, I don't know why.

"Yeah okay," I say and get up to follow him back to his car. We don't speak on the way back to the dorms and I'm not sure why. John Murphy is a very confusing person, extremely hard to read. What's he thinking? Why does he have a conversation with me and then all of a sudden go quiet?

When he pulls up to the dorms he's still quiet so I open the door and save him from talking, "well thank you for last night. I'll see you later I guess."

"Wait."

"Yeah?"

Long pause, "Uh John? Were you going to say something?"

"Damn it Emori…there are so many reasons this can't happen…"

Oh my god what the hell does that mean? What can't happen, he's hardly said anything all day...nothing _has_ happened. Confusing…just .like I said.

"Um..." I mumble. Oh lord Octavia is gonna _love_ this.

"I'm too old, I'm too messed up for you, you need someone who isn't consumed by hate…" he sighs, "I don't think we should hang out anymore. I'm sorry."

I have no idea what to say to that, so I just get out of the car and as soon as I shut the door he drives away, leaving me very confused. I quickly decide I will not be telling Octavia about that conversation. She'll just grill me about it then she'll tell Bellamy and then she'll beg Bellamy to ask Murphy about it and I don't want that.

Three weeks went by and I didn't see him again. He was never there when Octavia and I would go to Bellamy's and I was never there when Bellamy was hanging with Murphy. Then I saw him at the grocery store one night around 11pm. I couldn't sleep and I was hungry. There's something I love about going to the grocery store in the middle of the night. It has a peaceful quietness about it. The only people that are there are insomniacs and husbands with pregnant wives who've got a sudden craving for something. Anyway, so that's where I am now. Well I'm standing outside the grocery store after the awkward encounter we just had. It was in the produce, by the fruits more specifically. It had to be the fruit, of course. Ruin fruit for me. I was just browsing and I spotted him, looked alone but wasn't, after a few seconds I saw he was with a woman. So actually I shouldn't have said we had an awkward encounter, there was no encounter I sort of ran. I didn't want to actually have an awkward exchange with him, so that's where we are now. He's in there with the mystery woman and I'm out here, alone.

How long do I stand here before I go home? Now, it shouldn't bother me that Murphy is with someone, she could be anyone, but besides that, him and I were never a thing. We barely know each other and yet I feel jealous. That's flat out crazy.

After the day he drove me back to school I hadn't said much about him and that had Octavia wondering why. I just told her he took me home and that was it. I never told her what he said.

"Hey."

I look at him, I don't see the woman anywhere, "Hey."

"You thought I didn't see you." I notice this isn't a question.

"Actually yes, I didn't think you noticed," I say. He's standing a few feet to my left so I turn to face him.

"Well I did. You're hard to miss."

I roll my eyes at him, "gee thanks," I say thinking he's referring to my deformities, even though he usually doesn't talk about them like that.

"Not what I meant Emori." He walks closer to me so he's standing just about a foot in front of me. "I'm sorry," he says it in a whisper I almost missed it completely. I see his face goes soft in a way I have never seen it go before around anyone. "What I said was rude, but I'm not sorry for that. I'm sorry cause I didn't mean it…and I don't want to lie to you." He says still whispering.

"I had no idea what you were even talking about that day." He wasn't crystal clear, but I'm a smart girl and I have a pretty good idea and he reads right through that.

"Don't give me that bull Emori." He sounds frustrated but I don't know why.

"I don't even know you!"

"What does that matter? You'll get to know me, and then you probably won't like me anymore. But you like me now."

"Oh is that right, I have a crush on you is what you think?"

"I'm 24 years old I don't use words like 'crush,' but yes that is what you have."

"What if I did?"

"Well then maybe you'd get a kiss."

Wait what? "You're gonna kiss me if I admit I like you?"

He smirks and raises one eyebrow, "well I didn't say you'd get a kiss from me."

"You frustrate me. I'm going home. Goodnight John." I walk back to my car as quickly as I can so he doesn't try and continue the conversation. I want to stay and spend more time with him, he intrigues me in some weird way. But I also feel overwhelmed by him and my lack of experience with boys.

I might have to go to Octavia with this one.


	7. Chapter 7

When I get back to our dorm I go in trying not to wake Octavia. I successfully make it to my bed in the dark without making any noise.

"Where were you?"

It's pitch black in the room and she startles me, "Oh my god Octavia! You're gonna give me an aneurysm doing that."

"Ugh well," she reaches up to switch on the light, "that's what you get for sneaking in and out at night. Where were you? I doubt it was to go meet a boy, unfortunately."

I roll my eyes at her. "I was hungry, I just went to the store."

"Well that's awfully boring isn't it," she looks annoyed by this but I don't get why.

"Actually I saw someone there," I tell her hesitantly, I need someone to talk to about this.

"Ohh now we're getting somewhere. Who was it?" she sits up on her bed now alert and interested.

"Murphy…"

"Oh, Thank god," she is so relieved.

"What?"

"Well I didn't want to say anything because I thought Murphy was a sensitive subject for you or something…at least that's how you act, but you haven't mentioned him in weeks and I've been dying to ask you why."

"Okay, well the night we went to the skybox I stayed at Murphy's place that night. Then the next day we went to the park, then he got all weird and brought me back here. When I was getting out of the car he started saying all this weird stuff."

"What stuff!" She practically yells I worry she'll wake up the whole floor.

"He just told me we shouldn't hang out anymore. He said he was bad for me or something like that. And I haven't seen or talked to him since then."

"He soooo likes you," she is so excited I think her head might actually explode.

"Stop that. And I'm not done, then at the store I saw him with someone and I didn't feel like having an awkward run-in so I left, but he followed me outside."

"What did he say? What did he do?"

"He said he was sorry because he didn't mean what he said. There were a few more words exchanged and then I just left."

"Ugh that Murphy is so complicated! He keeps to himself and never shows feelings. Despite that, it's obvious that you catch his attention."

"What do you think I should do Octavia? I like him."

"Duhhh," she drawls out dramatically. "Bellamy's having a party on Saturday, Murphy will be there maybe you can talk to him then."

"Yeah maybe…time for bed, we both have class in the morning we don't have time to stay up all night talking about boys."

"There's always time to talk about boys Emori."

The next day after classes I went to the library to study. And when I say study I mean I went there to watch netflix on my tablet and have some alone time. I'm in the middle of an episode of House M.D when my phone vibrates from my bag.

It's from a number I don't recognize.

 _Come over to my place tonight._

I text back, _I think you have the wrong number._ I would know who it was if it were someone I'd actually consider hanging out with.

 _It's John_

Oohh. Octavia must have given him my number. I wonder if she offered it or he asked for it.

 _Hello to you to. How did you get this number?_ I don't know why I ask this when I obviously already know.

 _Octavia of course. She insisted I had to have it._

Well that answers that question I guess. He texts again before I respond.

 _7pm_

I have to think about whether I want to actually go or not so I don't text him back, and he doesn't send anything for the rest of the day anyway. I make sure to save his number in my phone though.

So here I am, standing in the hallway outside his apartment, I didn't even realize I was coming until I just did. I tried not to think about it too much and just showed up. I didn't have a chance to tell Octavia about it because she wasn't at the dorm when I left. I think she had another date, she's been on a few in the past couple of weeks, although I'm not sure if it's with the same guy every time or not.

Suddenly the door opens, I don't think I knocked, did I?

"You gonna stand out there all night? It didn't seem like you were gonna knock, I heard ya come up the stairs 5 minutes ago," he says and m0ves out of the way so I can walk in.

"Sorry I um couldn't remember if I had the right apartment," I lie as an excuse.

"You came, wasn't sure if you would you never said if you were coming or not."

"Oh sorry I didn't know if I could or not at the time and then I forgot to text you," another lie, this is starting out great. Two lies, although something tells me he doesn't believe either of them.

"Stop apologizing, it's fine. Did you have dinner yet?"

"Why did you ask me to come over?" I blurt out.

"As I recall, I didn't ask you. Which was rude of me, I wanted to see you and I thought you'd say no," he says.

"I still could have said no you know."

"I'm glad you didn't."

"Are we gonna just stand here or…?" I ask because I'm not sure what to do and I don't wanna stand awkwardly by the door.

"You didn't answer my question."

Huh? Ohh "No I haven't eaten."

"Let's go." He takes his coat off a chair and opens the door again. I follow him out into the hallway.

"Where are we going then?"

"If I said, would you know where I was talking about?"

"Good point. Lead the way then," I follow him down the stairs and out to his car.


	8. Chapter 8

The place is only a 5 minute drive from his apartment. He was right, I don't know this place. It's not a fancy place which I'm glad of because I'm already confused enough as to whether this is a date or not. After we've ordered we just sit there for a minute and then he starts to talk.

"Listen I'm not good at this whole thing. I haven't dated anyone in a long time."

Dating? Okay this might be a date then.

"Emori, I'm an adult and I'm not gonna play bullshit teenager games making you sit around and guess how I feel about you. Bottom line, I like you and I want to spend some time with you. I hope you want that too."

I nod, "Yes, I do. We cool?"

He smiles just barely and I think it's the first one I've ever seen out of him.

"Yup, we're cool."

"Good."

My phone vibrates from my pocket. It's a text from Octavia

 _Octavia: Hey, where are you?_

 _Me: Having dinner with John, nosy nelly._

 _Octavia: WHAT!?_

 _Me: You heard me_

 _Octavia: How did this happen and why did you not tell me about it!_

 _Me: He texted me this afternoon asking me to come over tonight. You weren't at the dorm, I didn't want to bother you on your date_

 _Octavia: This is important! He asked you to come over. He never invites anyone over. That I know of, of course_

 _Me: Relax we're just getting some dinner, nothing crazy going on_

 _Octavia: Yet._

"Are you bored?" John says making me look up.

"Oh, no sorry. It's just Octavia."

"Oh I see, continue."

 _Me: I will talk to you later_

 _Octavia: You bet ;)_

A few minutes later he asks, "So are you going home for the long weekend?"

I had completely forgotten we have Monday and Tuesday off. "Probably, no plans yet."

"You like your parents right?"

"Yeah of course, they're great," I shrug.

"But…?" he leans in closer like he's actually interested, maybe he is.

"I'm adopted, and I guess I feel bad about that."

"Why?"

"All I know is that my birth parents were very...spiritual I guess. They got one look at me and thought I was a bad omen or something. They didn't even wait long enough to find me a family, just dropped me off somewhere." Oversharing Emori, shut up now or he'll think you're weird.

"Then they don't deserve you"

"Thanks John."

We eat and watch some tv at his apartment before I go home.

My moms called two days later to make sure I was coming home for the long weekend. I said I would, so that night they drove up to get me. Of course they wanted to know everything about everything. So the two hour ride home was questions about classes and friends and Octavia .I don't mind though, I did miss them.

When we got home I went right up to my room, it's kind of late and I'm tired. My phone wakes me up a couple hours after that. It's a text from John. I haven't heard from him since we hung out the one night.

 _John: It been 3 days and you haven't called_

 _Me: Oh I'm terribly sorry_

 _John: You'll make it up to me_

 _Me: Will I?_

 _John: Yup_

 _Me: You woke me up, you gonna make that up to me?_

 _John: Definitely_

 _Me: Night John_

 _John: Goodnight Emori_

When my moms drive me back to school a few days later Octavia gets to meet them and I'm glad of that because she's quickly become my best friend at school.

"So did you have a good weekend at home?" she asks when we get back to our room.

"Yeah it was good, nothing much to tell I guess. Just spent time with my parents."

"Don't you have any friends back home that you wanted to catch up with?"

"Not really, I didn't have many friends in high school."

"See that's why I love college you can be anyone you want to be, you're not stuck being who you were in high school."

"Yeah I like college much more. Although, you're a very nosy roommate," I tease her.

"Well as long as you brought it up, how's Murphy?"

"That's a good question Octavia, maybe I should call him…" I am still teasing her but she takes it seriously this time.

She jumps up from the bed, "Oh yes! Yes!" she grabs my phone and taps the screen to call him, throws it back on my lap and runs out the door, "I'll just give you some privacy!" She calls back as she leaves.

"Hello?" I hear come out of the phone. He answered it.

I put the phone up to my ear, "Uh hi...uh how are you?"


End file.
